A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesnt seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other hunter whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps1 to the operator, My friend is dead! What can I do? The operator, in a calm soothing2 voice, says, Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure hes dead. There is a silence, and then a shot is heard. The hunters voice comes back on the line. He says, OK, now what?
A woman carrying a baby gets on a bus. As she pays the fare, the bus driver looks at the baby and says, Ugh! Lady, thats absolutely the ugliest baby Ive ever seen. The woman is fuming3. Still carrying the baby, she walks back toward the rear of the bus, finds an empty seat and sits down. She says to a man sitting next to her, The bus driver was terribly rude to me when I got on. Ive never been so insulted in all my life! Ive got half a mind to tell him off. The man says, And thats what you should do. Dont let him get away with insulting you. Walk right up there and let him know how you feel. Go ahead, Ill hold your monkey for you.
Doctor: Whats wrong with your brother?
Boy: He thinks hes a chicken.
Doctor: Really? How long has he thought this?
Boy: Three years.
Doctor: Three years!
Boy: We would have brought him in sooner, but we needed the eggs.
